Sex is sex. Gender is an adjective.

I made this comment on twitter to very little response (read, I need more followers). Anyway, this popped into my head rather abruptly and kind of stuck. It makes sense to me in a way.

Yes. I know gender isn’t really and adjective. However in a smexy or hot scene, gender is not, or should not, be the focal point. Just as the color of someone’s hair is not the focal point. The focus should be on the emotions themselves. That’s what makes the scene sexy and hot. Yes, you need to know if person X has penis and how it will respond to the situation, however, that’s the mechanical aspects.

The one response I did get, came from the deliciously lovely Tara. Who said.

She made a good point. I think that’s also why I have no problem writing scenes with two men without having any physical desire towards men. Because it isn’t about the gender.

When I first started writing erotica, I was encouraged to write an M/M short story by the luscious Tiffany Reisz. I did write it and got a lot of amazing feedback. I remember mentioning to Tiffany that I had a physical response to some of the M/M scenes even though I wasn’t gay. Her response was that she writes a lot of scenes that she personally has no interest in, but are still hot.

So basically what I’m saying is, you can write scene between two (or more) people that is very hot, erotic, or whatever, without you, or the reader, having any desire to engage in those situations.

Hot is hot.
Sex is sex.
Gender is an adjective. It’s an extra. It’s an addon. A spice you add to a dish.

Smutfully yours,


2 comments on “Sex is sex. Gender is an adjective.

  1. […] I think tragedy can be very sexy and ultimately, the story is primary for me. As I’ve said before, I view sex as an extra. This isn’t to say I won’t write the hottest sex scene I can, […]

  2. wordnerdlove says:

    Reblogged this on wordnerdlove and commented:
    He makes a very excellent point here.

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